It's really, really, REALLY hard being a single mom. Then, add autism into the mix, and, well-it's extremely hard. People constantly say stuff like "I don't know how you do it". Or, "I can't imagine...". Well, thanks.
To be honest, I don't know how I do it. Want some extra honesty? I can't imagine having to deal with the daily challenges autism brings long term. However, what gets me through are the moments like I had last night. My 10 year old son, who can be the sweetest little guy, decided to hang out with me. He usually watches "his" television in the family room (it pretty much stays on nickjr.) or bounces around the house entertaining himself. He came into my room while I was listening to a podcast by Dave Pavlina on self-improvement. Into my bed he jumps. Now, I could have gotten annoyed because this was supposed to be "my time", but I recognized another opportunity.
You see, several times after he was diagnosed I would ask myself: how unfair is this? How will we ever have meaningful, special moments together? I mistakenly thought if we couldn't speak to each other (he is nonverbal), we couldn't really communicate. So wrong! We often look at each other and he laughs after I smile at him. I don't care if it is connected to my smile or if it is just involuntary. When we both get an opportunity to have peaceful, happy moments free of crying fits and emotional disconnects, I take it!
So, I smiled and motioned for him to sit next to me. He laughed. I clicked on my camera phone and we took silly pictures. I thanked God for a moment of clarity and "normalcy" in our lives. Autism sucks, but my son is a beautiful gift. He teaches me to breathe-to just be patient. It doesn't rain forever. When we are having a rough day or four, I just wait for the rain to stop and look for the sunshine.
I guess that's how I do it.
